6-1=5

     Well today was my first chemo infusion.  It went so great.  I was most concerned that my body would reject the medications with all the crazy things it's been doing the past several months but it didn't and I am so thrilled.  When I arrived in Orange for my apt, the nurses hooked up my IV, gave me some Benedryl with some anti-anxiety medication, which I was very much in need of today!!!  Once that ran through my system they then administered the chemo drugs on a very slow drip to see if my body would accept them.  Thank heavens it did!  Tonight I am still on a Benedryl hang over but I feel great!
     Many people have asked these questions, "What will your treatment be?"  "How on earth did you know you had B.C.?"  So, if you are interested in reading all the B.C. mumbo jumbo below, because maybe you like details like me, knock yourself out :).  Also, the below info is all based off of my understanding and I am by NO means a doctor, so I hope I am accurate in my explanations and understanding!
     "What will my treatments be?"  So the type of cancer I have is Ductal Carcenoma, a very common and very treatable type of breast cancer that starts in the milk duct.  I am Estrogen and Progesterone positive and HER2 negative.  There are four stages of cancer and in each stage there are also stages (a,b...).  Based off of my MRI and my PET Scan, I am either a Stage 2B or 3A.  I might not ever know the exact stage because in the two aforementioned scans, they were measured at two different sizes fitting into the 2B and 3A stages.  Also, because it has spread from the main site to a lymph node it also puts me into one of the two listed stages.  Thus far it doesn't appear that the cancer has metastasized and spread anywhere else but until they get into my body and start removing lymph nodes, we won't know for sure.  Now, within the stages of the cancer there are also levels of aggressiveness.  1 is not aggressive, 2 is moderately aggressive and 3 is very aggressive.  Based off of my tumor biopsy results (which were super NOT awesome), I have been listed as having a level 3 B.C. which also effects my treatments.  I have been prescribed a two drug combination of chemo which will be administered to me every 3 weeks for 6 sessions, (5 now)!  Chemo is given at various levels.  Some are more moderate and others more aggressive, my understanding is that the aggressiveness of your chemo is based off of an individuals stage and level.  With each chemo treatment, I am required to take steriods the day before, day of and day after chemo.  You are also required to get your blood drawn prior to sessions to make sure your body is healthy enough to receive treatment.  The day after chemo a white blood cell shot is highly recommended to boost your immune system.  The good news is that the more aggressive the cancer, typically the more aggressively the cancer responds to the right treatment!  Love that!
     "How on earth did I know I can B.C.?"  So a few months ago I felt a lump and just kind of let it go.  It seemed to hurt a little here and there at certain times throughout the month and I knew from a lot of reading I had done that cancer typically doesn't hurt, that's why it's so difficult to detect- you often don't know it's present in your body.  In July when I had my stent removed from my Kidney Stone fun, I was getting sick every couple of weeks which was very unusual for me.  I blamed it on all the Kidney Stone meds I had to be on for months.  I changed some things with my diet and still I was getting sick so by the end of October/ beginning of November I went in to see my doctor about me being sick so often and the lump.  He suggested I go and get a mammogram which I did within a few days.  The radiology reports came back with a finding that I had a 20% chance there was B.C.  Pretty slim chances I thought, so I wasn't sweating it much but was requested by the radiologist to get an ultrasound and if needed an ultrasound guided biopsy.  It took me some time to get this apt scheduled but finally I got it scheduled the Friday before Thanksgiving, we were leaving to drive to Texas right when I got home.  During the ultrasound, the tech found that two tumors both had blood flowing to them.  If you know much about lumps, you want to see clear fluid flowing through, blood is typically a bad sign that something is wrong.  The radiologist did a biopsy immediately and told me right then and there that it didn't look good, she was very concerned but suggested I go to Texas and enjoy every minute of Thanksgiving with my family and to be ready for a fight when I got home.  I was pretty positive at that point that I had cancer - it's never a good sign when the tech has to grab tissues because she is crying along with you.  It was an awful couple of days waiting for Pathology reports to come back in giving the final word...so more waiting.  I went home and we finished packing up the car to leave for Texas.  It was a long hard drive but I am so thankful we went!  The support we received in Texas from family was incredible.  I can't imagine having been anywhere else at that time in my life.
     As far as what life will look like from here on out, it will be simple.  We will get done the things that need to get done and have already had to let a lot of things go.  Although everyone responds to chemo treatments differently, there are generic side effects that I have been warned about and have been preparing for with the treatment I am receiving.  The first one that I am dreading, is my hair falling out.  It takes about 2 weeks from the first treatment plan.  I'm ready physically for this one, emotionally it will be extremely difficult.  To prepare for this stage, I decided to get a shorter hair cut and I have gathered some wigs and lots of hats.  I refuse to let this cancer take me down so once it starts to fall, I plan to shave it.  I have been told to expect that with the particular chemo I will be receiving, day two after my chemo sess, flu-like symptoms hit and the nausea and body aches let up just before the next round begins.  This apparently takes on a cumulative effect as I proceed with each treatment.  I don't tend to get nauseaus easily so I'm hoping it won't be that bad, but I should know by Friday.  After my sessions, which will end around March or April my body gets a month to recover before I go in for surgery.  I have a genetic test currently in the lab to determine if I am BRCA 2 positive.  This gene runs in my family.  With me getting B.C. at such a young age, it is highly possible I have this gene and will hopefully hear soon.  What the BRCA 2 gene means is that I am much more susceptible to Breast and Ovarian Cancers than the average person who doesn't carry the gene.  It means when I my boys are old enough to get the test done themselves, they will be tested and there are things that can be done to avoid continuing to pass this gene to future generations.  If I am BRCA 2 positive, my reconstruction will be much more involved than if it comes back as BRCA 2 negative.  The positive side = medically necessary tummy tuck and new twins!
     Of all the things I am learning, as much as I love to feel like I have some sort of control, most of this is completely out of my hands.  I have control over my persistence, educating myself, finding who I deem as good doctors to help guide and "fix" me but the rest of this is completely in the Lord's hands.  I have been promised blessing after blessing that I will pull through, I will be able to raise my boys and live a happy life but there will be a lot of work involved.  Another promise I have received is that I will be stronger when I am on the other end of this trial.  I feel peace and comfort in knowing there are people all over this nation, and in other countries praying for me, fasting for me, rosaries, friends of all different faiths- many I have never even met praying for me.  This brings me so much peace.  During all of my doctor appointments, I haven't ever seen anyone in the waiting room even remotely close to my age.  B.C. is totally like an older woman's disease and it would be easy for me to question, "Why me?"  Well, why not me?  Cancer is no respecter of persons.  It chooses anyone it wants to.  Little children, it takes the lives of teenagers, it grows inside of people of all ages, races, backgrounds and religions.  It's what we choose to do with what we are given that is the test.
     A few days ago I got a call from the boys school counselor.  On a message he was having a very difficult time spitting out what he was trying to say and the message was long and drawn out.  He ended up saying "It has come to our attention that your boys have disclosed to their teachers that someone in your home has been diagnosed with a terminal disease...I don't know if this is old news or not but we would like to offer our services to talk with your children."   Later when we spoke, he let me know he wanted to help our kids but wouldn't be able to share with me the things they shared with him.  I get the whole HIPPA and privacy thing but if the real interest is in the well-being of the child, why can't two open and honest adults have a real conversation about what is best for the kids.  Not sure where that one will lead but it seems so wrong and backwards to me.  Sometimes I wish I could be knocked out and woken up in April, it's hibernating season right!
     Today, I fight and tomorrow I will fight again.  If life were easy, it wouldn't be worth it.  Having something to fight for makes like sweet!  So, 1 session down, 5 to go!  It has begun!